I took my anxiety to the park today. Surprisingly it didn't put up that much of a fight, although I didn't fuss at all when we had gone to the store earlier. And even before that, it actually enjoyed the 10 minutes of sitting in the coffee shop by ourselves after Branden left to go back to work. The park was lovely though. We haven't had sun in a while, so with my hair billowing behind me in the wind, I told my anxiety how nice it would be to sit on a bench by the duck pond and soak in some of the rays. It was so relaxing, and I'm thinking that maybe my anxiety fell asleep. It didn't say a word and I had my thoughts to myself. It was nice to have my thoughts to myself as it never used to happen often. I thought about where I was:
Ireland. Am I really in Ireland? The lush green grass tells me so, and so does the old steeple on the hill across the river.
The gulls swirled around my head as something caused them to leave the pond suddenly. Their shrill cries had no accent to tell me of the country I was in. People were too distant to catch their dialect through their far off murmurs.
I know I'm here. I've been here for almost a year, but it still seems like a dream. One of these days I will pinch myself and I will no longer be in Ireland, Branden will not be real, and my anxiety will be my close companion again. Has this really been my life? This is more of a gift than a life. Maybe that's how life is supposed to be, a gift.
Dark clouds loomed over the hill across the river. The hill with the old steeple. The hill with the 19th century jail and roads so narrow, cars pull onto sidewalks to allow oncoming traffic to pass. The hill dotted with cottages gated by wrought iron fences, all painted black and views of a city surrounded by rolling green hills made up of patchwork fields and hedgerows.
I'm in Ireland and I'm married to a man that I couldn't even come close to dreaming up. Thank you Lord for this gift. There is nowhere else I would rather be and no one else I would rather be here with.
I walked home with God. The conversation was sweet and peaceful. It wasn't until I got home that I realized I may have left my anxiety asleep on the park bench. Oh well. It knows where to find me, but today I'm just enjoying the time apart.