Beyond Myself

Over the past year and a half while volunteering on the streets on Saturday night I have had my heart opened up so many times. I can't tell you how often I've held a crying girl as she shed her pain over my uniform but also over my own emotions. The amount of middle aged men who have just walked right up to me and released the stories of their harsh pasts and let me share their hurting hearts is incredible. All the moments of cradling an unconscious person while waiting for an ambulance and whispering out my prayers over their broken bodies have broken parts of me.

I live with social anxiety and there are days where I pray for God to just take it away and heal me of this sometimes crippling fear of other humans. But when I look back at the moments on the streets, the pain and the brokenness I have shared with others on the streets, I can see that it just makes me a living testimony to God's miraculous power. It is only a powerful and loving God who can take those people who can create in me such panic and fear and bring me on my knees, pouring out His love and compassion on these beautiful souls that are so precious to Him. How can I have such a bursting heart for so many strangers when it is them who terrify me if not for God's miraculous working in my life.

Maybe someday God will take the anxiety away, but for now, I will look at it as a gift and a reminder that God wants to use me in ways that are not my own.